Essay: Will the real patriots please stand up?

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Will the real patriots please stand up?

From the book: Chum for Thought: Throwing Ideas into Dangerous Waters by David Satterlee

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#America #TeaParty #Liberals

Chum For Thought:
Throwing Ideas into Dangerous Waters

Will the real patriots please stand up?

Teachers train students to evaluate ideas by comparing and contrasting. There seem to be several strongly-contrasting ideas about what patriotism is, so let’s compare them.

Everybody seems to agree that waving and saluting a flag is patriotic. So is praising troops, singing certain songs, and setting off fireworks. I’ll agree that all of that is very nice. Symbols stand for things that have real meaning and showing respect for those symbols is not entirely without meaning. But, what else do you stand for? What personal actions and sacrifices are you willing to take as a patriot?

One vision of patriotism is standing together with existing compatriots to fight against a common enemy. Yes, that is always a good idea. We are, by definition of being “us,” inherently good. And, everyone else is an enemy and therefore always bad. Show these patriots an enemy and they will rally together, crying “death to (whomever),” shaking their fists, and even gunning up to go attack someone. Man, now THAT’S real patriotism.

A first priority for this kind of patriot is to protect their country from foreigners – people who surely want to overrun them or just somehow run them into the ground. Let’s see, that could include

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The Fondue Plot

from the book: Life Will Get You in the End:
Short stories by David Satterlee

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Life Will Get You in the End:
Short Stories by David Satterlee

An obvious pun. Would an author deliberately set out to write an entire story around an obvious pun? It can be done, but karma will getcha every time. 

The Fondue Plot

Sometimes you just can’t win. It seemed like such a simple thing. I would differentiate my protagonists and antagonists by simply assigning them names in alphabetical order. What could be more innocuous than “Acme” for the industrial company? Besides, in the cartoons featuring Wile E Coyote and the Roadrunner, Wile E (you just gotta  love a good pun) is always unpacking a kit that he ordered from Acme Corporation. So, yeah, that’s cool. And, hey, let’s name the Acme guy “Will E[dmonds]. Now we’re really having fun.

Now, wouldn’t it also be fun to name the security guy, “Warren Pease?” [War and Peace, get it? Bwa ha ha ha ha!] But, wouldn’t you know it…? According to Wikipedia, the name Warren Pease is already taken by the drummer for a Seattle crossover thrash band. They call their musical style “splattercore.” Well, I had already decided on the design of my lethal device and this was just too good a coincidence. ‘sorry Warren.

But now, I’ve got another problem. It turns out that there really is a