Story: Touching Women

Information and comments on the story:
Touching Women

from the book: Life Will Get You in the End:
Short stories by David Satterlee

Find out more, including where to buy books and ebooks
Read or download this story as a PDF file at: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4eNv8KtePyKM2I1R0pzYXBqQWs/edit?usp=sharing

Read by the author:

Life Will Get You in the End:
Short Stories by David Satterlee

This title seems to get a lot of attention. It's really not as salacious as it might sound. But, have you ever wondered if some men actually have the ability to make a physiologic-psycho-social connection with women, just my touching them? Hum...  

Touching Women

A Fergus Johnson story of gender relations

[Note: Contains some suggestive allusions, mild profanity and, possibly, an ethnic slur. ‘sorry about that.]

“You know, I think that women like to touch me” mused Fergus Johnson. Fergus obviously hadn’t actually intended to speak although this was a men’s support group and everybody was expected to share. It had just kind of slipped out as the sub-vocalization of a personal epiphany. Bobby, who had been revisiting his whine about striking out with women at bars, stopped in mid-sentence and looked puzzled.

Dr. Anderson, always looking for something to add some semblance of newness to the weeks-long rambling bitch session [pun might or might not be intended], urged Fergus: “Go with that.”

Fergus seemed to stare vacantly at the Kewpie doll on one of Dr. Anderson’s shelves across the room. “I’ve just been starting to notice a trend is all.” He paused again, his eyes flickering up and to the right as he searched his memories. “My waitress at breakfast this morning put her fingers on my shoulder several times. And, I’ve started noticing that when I stand talking to a woman, it’s not unusual for them to reach out and briefly put their hand on my arm.”

“That kind of thing happens.” Observed Larry the Letcher, hopefully.

“Yes,” Fergus continued, “but

Information and comments on the story:

The Fondue Plot

from the book: Life Will Get You in the End:
Short stories by David Satterlee

Find out more, including where to buy books and ebooks

Read or download this story as a PDF file at: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4eNv8KtePyKeDJWaW9TTUVYN2s/edit?usp=sharing

Life Will Get You in the End:
Short Stories by David Satterlee

An obvious pun. Would an author deliberately set out to write an entire story around an obvious pun? It can be done, but karma will getcha every time. 

The Fondue Plot

Sometimes you just can’t win. It seemed like such a simple thing. I would differentiate my protagonists and antagonists by simply assigning them names in alphabetical order. What could be more innocuous than “Acme” for the industrial company? Besides, in the cartoons featuring Wile E Coyote and the Roadrunner, Wile E (you just gotta  love a good pun) is always unpacking a kit that he ordered from Acme Corporation. So, yeah, that’s cool. And, hey, let’s name the Acme guy “Will E[dmonds]. Now we’re really having fun.

Now, wouldn’t it also be fun to name the security guy, “Warren Pease?” [War and Peace, get it? Bwa ha ha ha ha!] But, wouldn’t you know it…? According to Wikipedia, the name Warren Pease is already taken by the drummer for a Seattle crossover thrash band. They call their musical style “splattercore.” Well, I had already decided on the design of my lethal device and this was just too good a coincidence. ‘sorry Warren.

But now, I’ve got another problem. It turns out that there really is a