Under the Cedars of Edenhope

[With appreciation for apt phrases to poet women of the early Australian bush and to Carl Riseley.]

Milicent Humphries pulled her shawl closer as she sat alone on the porch swing of her Iowa home. She was dreaming of the night, the first time she had peed in a graveyard. She had been eight years old when her Mum took her to visit the grave of Grandma Burns near their home in Edenhope, Victoria.

Of course, Milicent had lived in Australia at the time. Everybody had called her the diminutive “Mili.” It wasn’t until she was eighteen that she married a Yank during The War. He had properly, though not promptly, whisked her away to the United States of America. It had all been such a great adventure.

Waking Up Grumpy

A Fergus Johnson story of gender relations

It all started with a harmless but cynical little joke. It was the kind of old throw-away line that men and women repeat to each other when commiserating with their kind about the unsteadiness of their steady beau or the unfairness of the fairer sex.

Fergus was in the usual bar telling stories with his usual buddies from the office. It was too early in the evening (and they had had too few beers) for the regular ladies to start looking good. Fergus had just offered the “Did you wake up grumpy this morning? No I let her sleep,” joke. Really, it was lame and innocuous. It was just as likely that a girl at the chick table would look around and observe that “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.” No harm, no foul.

However, as it would happen, the gods, also having nothing better to do at that moment, heard him and looked up from their rather tedious game of Canasta. This could get interesting. Dagon glanced at Loki who rolled his eyes and said, “Why does everybody think I want to get involved in every lame-ass, ignorant, thankless dork with a bad attitude? Persephone kicked Loki’s shin under the table and he winced. Loki sighed with resignation and took his turn at meddling in the affairs of men.

“OK, how’s this?” Loki suggested. “Every morning, Fergus wakes up next to a different unknown woman in bed. They all have pre-existing histories with him that he doesn’t yet know about. It keeps up until his attitude improves.” Thor gave a leering grin and a big thumbs-up. Phaethon just curtly nodded his consent, followed by a smug smile as he

Introduction to "Hubris on Roller Skates" by David Satterlee

Introduction

I usually have some idea of how something is going to come out when I start a story. But, it’s a real rush to go catch up with a character or situation that decides to run loose for a while. This collection should keep you off-balance, entertained and wondering what you’ll find next.

I have been told, by a long-time author, that my writing is “humorous, bold, and adventurous all at once … channeled through a facility for language and the music of words.” That was very kind. Thank you.

You should know that a few of these stories may not be for everyone. I occasionally take the liberty of using mild profanity, describing intimate situations, or introducing politically incorrect ideas. While I intend to be colorful and interesting, I do not intend to shock, offend, or arouse. I don’t believe that any of these stories are outside common community standards, but I thought that it should be mentioned up-front.

You will find some science fiction, a nice little poem about kittens, several pieces on gender relations and, especially, some explorations of the emotions and behavior of women of all ages. A lot of the stories end with a twist – deliberately lulling you into a mood before dropping you on your head. And, I have indulged a special fascination with hubris – acts of over-confidence that often lead to major fails.

Some characters are iconic. Don’t assume that Fergus Johnson is always the same guy trying to figure out the same woman, or that Bobby is always the same bad boy; he comes to too many unfortunate ends.

DavidS

Essay: Setting limits

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Setting limits

From the book: Chum for Thought: Throwing Ideas into Dangerous Waters by David Satterlee

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Does Setting limits cause #isolation, loss of #intimacy, and even #alienation of #love?

Chum For Thought:
Throwing Ideas into Dangerous Waters

Women often feel at a disadvantage in relationships with men. Social pressures, openly or unrecognized, can give men a dominant role. How is a woman to feel self-respect, personal worth, independence, initiative, control, and security? The common answer, these days, is to “set limits.”

Setting defensive limits makes intuitive sense. “That which cannot touch you cannot harm you.” But, at what cost in isolation, loss of intimacy, and even alienation of love? In fact, the issue of boundaries and limits can affect the character of any relationship, not just those between men and women.

Kinds of Limits

Parents and teachers are urged to set firm, appropriate limits for young children as part of youths’ guided moral development. The goal is for children to

Essay: Do men and women need each other?

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Do men and women need each other?

From the book: Chum for Thought: Throwing Ideas into Dangerous Waters by David Satterlee

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Read or download this essay as a PDF file at: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4eNv8KtePyKRlFXenRKT1E2ekk/edit?usp=sharing

Gender relations

#Feminism #LGBT

Chum For Thought:
Throwing Ideas into Dangerous Waters

Do men and women need each other?

My personal experience is that masculinity and femininity complement each other very nicely. I become exceptionally moody and morose without the company of women. In a mixed gathering, I prefer to be in the kitchen, behaving myself like a mouse in the corner, instead of with the men watching sports in the family room. And, I know that I really like being married and having a feminine woman as my best friend.

Further, while lurking near widows and divorced women, I have heard them confess that they “simply like having a man around.” It sounded as if, like me, the simple presence of someone of the other gender satisfied a palpably felt deficit.

The feminist Gloria Steinem famously asserted that, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." OMG! Didn’t Dr. Seuss put a fish riding a bicycle in

Essay: Our American elites – Part 2 Sources of power and control

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Our American elites – Part 2 Sources of power and control

From the book: Chum for Thought: Throwing Ideas into Dangerous Waters by David Satterlee

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Read or download this essay as a PDF file at: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4eNv8KtePyKNlB1TF9NMGM5VGM/edit?usp=sharing

Chum For Thought:
Throwing Ideas into Dangerous Waters

Our American elites – Part 2
Sources of power and control

Last week, I talked about the inevitable presence and place of elites in American Society. While we believe that all men are created equal and certain of their rights are unalienable and should never be threatened, we understand that some of us have advantages and abilities that others do not. Nonetheless, we hope that our children and grandchildren might yet find exceptional success for their efforts.

America has continued to struggle to define, expand, and guarantee our liberties. American slaves have been granted the rights of citizenship. Their descendants are increasingly able to vote freely, serve in the military, and sit, as free people, on any free seat on any bus. Women have been given the right to own property, vote, earn equal wages, and use birth control. Recently, more of us have received additional health care protection so that we don’t face the choice of staying healthy or dying quickly.

Nonetheless, America has always faced groups determined to twist government to favor their private wealth, power, and industry. In the years before World War I, this was called “The Gilded Age.” Corruption was open, corporations organized violence against their workers, stark poverty ravaged the lives of the poor who were

Networking: Section 3 - A Small Business in the Family

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Section 3 - A Small Business in the Family

From the book: Building Your Network Business: Proven Ideas from Successful Leaders by David Satterlee

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Read or download this essay as a PDF file at: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4eNv8KtePyKcHVMb0ticDhBY2M/edit?usp=sharing

• Getting your husband's respect and attention
• Getting respect from family and friends
• Involving your spouse 
• Involving your children
• Living herbally ever after
• Men, women and relationships 

Story: Touching Women

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Touching Women

from the book: Life Will Get You in the End:
Short stories by David Satterlee

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Read or download this story as a PDF file at: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4eNv8KtePyKM2I1R0pzYXBqQWs/edit?usp=sharing

Read by the author:

Life Will Get You in the End:
Short Stories by David Satterlee

This title seems to get a lot of attention. It's really not as salacious as it might sound. But, have you ever wondered if some men actually have the ability to make a physiologic-psycho-social connection with women, just my touching them? Hum...  

Touching Women

A Fergus Johnson story of gender relations

[Note: Contains some suggestive allusions, mild profanity and, possibly, an ethnic slur. ‘sorry about that.]

“You know, I think that women like to touch me” mused Fergus Johnson. Fergus obviously hadn’t actually intended to speak although this was a men’s support group and everybody was expected to share. It had just kind of slipped out as the sub-vocalization of a personal epiphany. Bobby, who had been revisiting his whine about striking out with women at bars, stopped in mid-sentence and looked puzzled.

Dr. Anderson, always looking for something to add some semblance of newness to the weeks-long rambling bitch session [pun might or might not be intended], urged Fergus: “Go with that.”

Fergus seemed to stare vacantly at the Kewpie doll on one of Dr. Anderson’s shelves across the room. “I’ve just been starting to notice a trend is all.” He paused again, his eyes flickering up and to the right as he searched his memories. “My waitress at breakfast this morning put her fingers on my shoulder several times. And, I’ve started noticing that when I stand talking to a woman, it’s not unusual for them to reach out and briefly put their hand on my arm.”

“That kind of thing happens.” Observed Larry the Letcher, hopefully.

“Yes,” Fergus continued, “but

Reader's theater: The Nehushta Serpent

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The Nehushta Serpent

from the book: Life Will Get You in the End:
Short stories by David Satterlee

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Read or download this story as a PDF file at: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4eNv8KtePyKakVORXJHdmxvN1k/edit?usp=sharing

Life Will Get You in the End:
Short Stories by David Satterlee

Reader's theater for two female voices. Guys, don't ever assume that it's okay to not be sweet to your wives and girlfriends. 

The Nehushta Serpent

Scene – In the Market

Two women in conservative dress meet in a market. They may be pushing carts or carrying baskets. There are no extras in view. The younger speaks first, addressing the older.

Rachel

Oh, Sister Abigail! I am so glad to see you again. It has been some weeks and so much has come to pass.

Abigail

Yes, my dear Sister Rachel. May the Lord’s blessings, comfort, and love be upon you in your time of distress.

Rachel

The Lord and his Church have been exceedingly kind. Each family, in its turn have come to sit and break bread with me. Pastor Thomas took the lead in putting my husband to rest after his passing, and no trouble has come upon me.

Abigail

Then all is well. How come you here this day up?

Rachel

Truth be told, I have

Story: Oceans of Love

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Oceans of Love

from the book: Life Will Get You in the End:
Short stories by David Satterlee

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Read or download this story as a PDF file at: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4eNv8KtePyKRE9RcHRBdzBRejg/edit?usp=sharing

Life Will Get You in the End:
Short Stories by David Satterlee

Reader's theater for two male voices. A raw and hyper-verbal talk show host just won't let a serious gender-relations author explain his book.

Oceans of Love

With apologies to “Saturday Night Live,” David Deida author of “The Way of the Superior Man,” and John Gray, author of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”
Also with compliments to the insights of psychologists Carol Gilligan and Terrence Real.

Scene – two men are seated across from each other at a desk. Both are in business casual attire.

Fred Baxter (interviewer)

(in announcer voice)

Okay, we’re back. For those of you just joining us, you’re listening to conservative shock-talk radio K.R.A.P. – Krap in the morning. This is your host Fred Baxter and you’re listening to Baxter’s Book Bilge.

Our guest in the studio today is Richard Johnson, author of the new book, “Women are Like Oceans and Men are Like Ships.” Richard, welcome to the show.

Richard, you’re a tall man, about 6 foot 3; may I just call you big Dick?

Richard Johnson (Author)

No.

Fred Baxter (interviewer)

Big Johnson?

Richard Johnson (Author)

No.

Fred Baxter (interviewer)

Okaaay then.

Richard, why don’t we move right on to having you tell us a bit about your book.

Is this a self-help book? Are there, you know, pictures?

Richard Johnson (Author)

No.

Fred Baxter (interviewer)

(sighing)

Well, all right, how about you just jump right in there and get this puppy moving.